Son: Daddy, i fell in love and want to date this awesome girl.

Father: That's great son. Who is she ?

Son: It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter.

Father: Ohh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something son, but you must promise not tell your mom.

[ The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later: ]

Son: Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter.

Father: that's great son. Who is she ?

Son: It's Angela, the other neighbor's daughter.

Father:  Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your sister.

[This went on a couple of times and the son was so mad. He went straight to his mother crying.]

Son: Mom, i am so mad at dad. I fell in love with six girls. But i cant date any of them beacuse daddy's their father.

Mother: hugs him affectionately and says: My love you can date whoever you want . Dont listen to him. He isn't your father.

Son FAINTED  !!!!

Valentine's day special

 Lady to Santa: Aapka Doggy to thoda Tiger jaisa dikhta hai, Kya khilate ho ?

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Santa: Ye kaminaTIger hi hai...Pyar-vyar k chakkar me pad gaya aur ab shakal Kutte jaisi ho gayi hai.....:P

Champu and Pampu are 2 elephant friends. Champu is in love with Champi, > > the elephant beauty queen. Champu proposes to Champi and she rejects him for some other rich elephant across the river. Champu is very sad, so Pampu consoles Champu and asks him to play see- saw at the garden.


Suddenly the see- saw breaks... and they burst to a

song................... 






guess which one............................


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See- Saw ho ya dil ho.... aakhirrrrrr...toot jaata hai....toot

jaata hai...toot jaata hai....!!!!!

Ek Gadha ped par chadha to oopar baithe haathi ne poochha:





Haathi: Tu kyun chadha ?





Gadha: Apple khaane





Haathi: Lekin yeh to Mango tree hai !!

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Gadha: Maloom hai, main apple saath laaya hoon!!!

A man is speeding in his Ferrari on the highway.......suddenly
a hare hops up from nowhere, onto the road. unable to dodge it he
runs right o v er it............overcome by concern he stops his car to
inspect the hare..........the hare is dead. being an animal lover ,our
Ferrari driver tries to bring back the hare to life........he
frantically searches the dicky of his car and finds a spray- can
there.......he
sprays the dead animal with it...suddenly the hare springs back to
life........it runs along the road....looks back and waves at the
man....then again runs along some distance ,looks back and waves at
him.....and then
again runs further,looks back and waves...
the man looks at the can and reads these words...
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'HAIR SPRAY. BRINGS LIFE TO DEAD HAIR.INCREASES WAVINESS.'



--------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------- ------------------

A friend gives a barrel full of FEVICOL to his friend on his birthday.
What does this friend who receive the gift sing ???
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Dushman na kare dost ne ye kaam kiya hai
Umra bhar ka gham (gum) hame inaam diya hai........

Ek aadmi bank se bahar aake ek auto mein chada....autowala usko

us k ghar le gaya aur 100 rs liya. actually, it wouldn't have

costed more than 10 rs. Agle din, subah jab woh aadmi jagaa, he

was not able to see anything.kuch bhi nahin dikh raha tha But then,

raat hote hi, uski aankh theekh ho gayi and he was able to see everything

clearly.

WHY?

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Kyonki autowaale ne us aadmi ko ULLOO bana diya tha!!!










------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Punjabi Thoughts

There are two keys to happiness:

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1) visKEY
1) Saanu KEY

Gulshan Grover is riding a bike at the velocity of light.
On the way he offers a lift to a stranger.
Stranger: "Sir, can I know your name please"
Gulshan: "I am Gulshan Grocer"
Stranger: "Grocer? Sure you dont mean Gulshan Grover??"
Gulshan: "No it is Grocer"
Now tell me why did Gulshan say so...
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scroll down for the ultimate PJ
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Further…
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Little further...
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ANS: Because at the speed of light V=C

santa and banta r discussing---------


santa----- "if i drink coffee, i ca'nt sleep!!!!"


Banta----- "with me it's the opposite.if i sleep i can't drink coffee."

why did shahrukh change his pet from a dog to a peacock?

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kyunki ye dil maange "more"

One gangster gave three fully sealed khokas (typical mumbaian word, u should be familiar if u have seen vaastav) to his fellow and ordered him not to open these khokas.After three days gangster shot that fellow...when another gangboy asked his gangster why did you shoot him, he said I ordered him not to open these khokas but he did not obey my order…

gangboy said that three khokas were still fully sealed then how did you know that he had opened the khokas??

Gangster said when I touched three khokas I felt two khokas were hot and one was cold…

gangboy could not understand anything…can you guess how the gangstar found it out???

guess.....

scroll down ..

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a little more

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Be patient

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'thandaa matlab khoka khola'

************************************************** ************************************************** *******

Agar nmrte hue aadmi ko kuch dena hua to tum kya doge....?

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.Birla Plus Cement

Kyunki....Isme JAAN Hai.....:P

Q. SITA RAM HAI TO SITA KAUN HAI




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?




?




?




?




?




?




?




Sita MEMORY hai (RAM: Random Access Memory)

************************************************** ***************************************




Q. RAM SITA HAI ... TO RAM KAUN HAI ??




?




?




?




?




?




?




?




Ans - TAILOR (Darzi)

************************************************** *************************************

A rich snob walks into a neighborhood bar and says, "Bartender, I'd like some thirty-year-old Scotch." The bartender searches for a while but all he can find is some eighteen-year-old Scotch. He figures the snob won't know the difference and pours a glass of it (over ice, of course).

The snob takes one sip and spits it back into the glass. He says, "Bartender, this is eighteen-year-old Scotch. I asked for thirty-year-old Scotch." The bartender searches and searches but all he can find is some twenty-four-year-old Scotch. He figures the snob can't possibilly tell the difference so he pours him some.

The snob takes one sip and spits it out all over the bar. He says, "Bartender, I specifically asked for thirty-year-old Scotch and this is clearly twenty-four-year-old Scotch. Now I am going to go to the gentlemen's room and when I come back there had bloody well better be some thirty-year-old Scotch in this glass." Off he goes to visit the facilities.

While the bartender is searching, a local drunk who has been watching the proceedings ambles over and pisses in the snob's glass. The bartender, unable to find any suitable Scotch, is just returning when the snob gets back from the men's room and takes a sip. He spits it out and then says, "Bartender, this is PISS!" From his perch on the other side of the bar, the drunk asks, "So ... how old am I?"

What do u call a Soldier's wife climbing the stairs??




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Any guess?
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Give up?

"CHADTI JAWANI"










...............













If we thorw one chapati & one pizza on the ground which will first come on the ground?


Common sense yaar. Pizza as it is a fast food..:p.













...................




Q : what do u call a person who leaves india ?
A : hindustan lever

Q : what do u call a person who leaves india, but dsnt travel much ?
A : hindustan lever LIMITED
HAHAHA :D:D.....

























.....................

Bill Gates PJ

if Bill Gates mother gets bored then what will you call her...?




........







.......







.........







.......




MotherBoard......

Fly and Mosquito

What is the difference between Fly and mosquito....?










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........










........










........










Fly can fly....but mosquito can't mosquito......:P

Hanuman PJ

800 saal purane Hanuman Mandir ko kya kahenge...?










..........










...........







..........







Maruti 800.......................:P

Santa PJ

Santa ka opposite kya hai...?














..






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......






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Iodex....because.....Santa Sardar hai aur Iodex Asardar hai............P

Quick Gun Murugan

If Quick Gun Murugan got a divorce then what would you call him??




- Morgan Freeman (Murugan Free-Man)

Lost on the Way

If you got lost somewhere and did not find anyone to give directions then who would you call ??




- Will Smith... because where there is a Will there is a way !

Dhoom PJ

If Emraan Hashmi starred in the move Dhoom instead of John Abraham then what would be the movie's name?

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CHOOM !

Famous Singers and Bands

If you wanted to ask for something from your mother then how would you say it...




- Madonna (Ma-do-naa)







If you wanted to ask some lady to sing then how would you say it??




- Lady Gaga (Gaa-gaa)







Agar ek saand gadde mein gir jaye to use kya kahenge ?




- Pitbull







Once a Bengali man was feeling very cold, another man asked him how he was feeling so what was the Bengali man's reply??




- Eminem (Aami-Numb)







Agar Anna Hazare jail se mukt ho jaayein to usse kya kanenge ?




- Rihanna (Riha-Anna)







If some children are playing outside in the cold then what would you call it?




- Coldplay

Dell PJ

Once a guy dropped his Dell laptop on the floor. He was upset so his friend tried to console him by singing a song... which song did he sing??

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Sheesha ho ya DELL ho... aakhir toot jata hai, toot jata hai !

What happens when your female sibling swallows a roll of Kodak?

























Photos-in-the-sis

Cube of Thirteen

What is the cube of 13??

169 - NO !!




Tera Tera Tera Suroor

Microsoft PJ

If Microsoft invents a type of technology that would wash people's knees, then what would they call it....

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?




MS Dhoni (Dho-knee)

one scientist removed door bell from his house.......why........?







................







...............







.............




.............







Because he wanted to win "No-Bell" prize.....:P

Agar Microsoft ghutane saaf karne ka koi software banaye to kya naam rakhegi....?







.....




.......




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...







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.......




....







MS Dhoni.....:P.....






















..................................
















Agar kaafi sare Sher ek ghar me lock kar diye jayein...to use kya kahenge.....?













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Sherlock Holmes.....:P



















......................................

Where do you find MANGOES? Mango tree? Fruit shop?




**** NO ****




Where ever WOMAN goes, Peeche-Peeche MAN-goes!




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




A scientist disconnected his doorbell..




Why??




Because...he wanted to win the No-bell prize!




-----------------------------------------------------------------------




What do u call a cylinder of radius "z" units and height "a" units?

- Pizza!




Volume of cylinder= Pi * r * r * h

=>pi*z*z* a

=Pizza

Hence Proved.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sardar to Shopkeeper : - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao.

Shopkeeper Ne Flag Dikhaya.

Sardarni : - Isme aur Colour Dikhao

----------------------------------------------------------------------------




Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine".

He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d compliment"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why are Indian husbands known as "SILVER"?

Why are American husbands known as "GOLD"?







Indian wives call their husband "A g" ( Scientific Symbol for Silver)

American wives call their husband "A u" ( Scientific Symbol for Gold )

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A dentist was examining a patient having a highly contagious deadly

disease….

As soon he opens the patients mouth the disease gets transferred to the

doctor… how??




scroll




…Because the patient had a BLUE-TOOTH !!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Name a place where caves mein nishan bane hota hai..






















Denmark













.............










how will you differentiate between a Murga and Murgi....?
















pathar maro....

agar bhaga to murga....agar bhagi to Murgi....:P...
















.............







Why didn't the sailors play cards..




- Because the captain was sitting on the deck.
















..........










This pj might damage ur ability to think

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what would you say if a cow dances....

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..Guidance.!:-p










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Why do cows have bells hung on their neck..

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bcoz there HORNS dont work!










..............










An old lady met a Sardaar outside an ATM. She asked him to check her balance. So the Sardaar pushed her and she fell.

A teacher teaching Maths to seven-year-old Arnav asked him, “If I give you one apple and one apple and one apple, how many apples will you have?”Within a few seconds Arnav replied confidently, “Four!”





The dismayed teacher was expecting an effortless correct answer (three). She was disappointed. ”Maybe the child did not listen properly,” she thought. She repeated, “Arnav, listen carefully. If I give you one apple and one apple and one apple, how many apples will you have?”


Arnav had seen the disappointment on his teacher’s face. He calculated again on his fingers. But within him he was also searching for the answer that will make the teacher happy. His search for the answer was not for the correct one, but the one that will make his teacher happy. This time hesitatingly he replied, “Four.”


The disappointment stayed on the teacher’s face. She remembered that Arnav liked strawberries. She thought maybe he doesn’t like apples and that is making him loose focus. This time with an exaggerated excitement and twinkling in her eyes she asked, “If I give you one strawberry and one strawberry and one strawberry, then how many you will have?”


Seeing the teacher happy, young Arnav calculated on his fingers again. There was no pressure on him, but a little on the teacher. She wanted her new approach to succeed. With a hesitating smile young Arnav enquired, ”Three?”


The teacher now had a victorious smile. Her approach had succeeded. She wanted to congratulate herself. But one last thing remained. Once again she asked him, “Now if I give you one apple and one apple and one more apple how many will you have?”


Promptly Arnav answered, “Four!”


The teacher was aghast. ”How Arnav, how?” she demanded in a little stern and irritated voice. In a voice that was low and hesitating young Arnav replied, “Because I already have one apple in my bag.”

rahul gandhi --> mom, aapaki wajah se meri shaadi nahi ho paaa rahi........ ......... ......... ......... ......
sonia gandhi --> kyun beta???????? ????????
rahul gandhi --> har taraf to likha hai ki sonia ko bahumat do









------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -


BRUCE LEE was a great man
But after his sister gave birth to a baby he became an ordinary man... why?
Because he became





MAMU LEE!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -




One day Ravan went to a disco....... ......... ......... ..

aur wahan jaakar woh behosh ho gaya ............ .......

kyun???????? ????????? ??

kyun???????? ??????









bcoz it was written on the gate that "entry fee Rs.1500 per head"



------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------



who made Ganesh to Anesh...????



ThinK......





Think......






okay.....

" KAILASH KHER "

tere naam se " G " loon....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----


Ek nadi thi......
uske upar ek pull bana hua tha..... pull par bahut saari ladkiyan khadi thi...... sab ki sab ek hi ladke ki deewani thi.....

Guess who was the lucky guy??????
.........








........








..........





Keep Guessing.... ..





........





........





........






Chalo yaar....the answer is








"KISNA"
Jo hai albela mad naino wala...
jiski diwani BRIDGE ki har bala.....
woh kisna hai


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------






if cat crosses your way when you are going somewhere , what does that mean....?













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means cat is also going somewhere.....:P

Two hairs on a bald man's head fall in love with each other and want to get married, but can't. why.....?










































































































































Because under Indian Law "Bal Vivah" (child Marriage) is not allowed....:P

Gulshan Grover is riding a bike at the velocity of light.


On the way he offers a lift to a stranger.



Stranger: "Sir, can I know your name please"


Gulshan: "I am Gulshan Grocer"


Stranger: "Grocer? Sure you dont mean Gulshan Grover??"


Gulshan: "No it is Grocer"



Now tell me why did Gulshan say so...


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scroll down for the ultimate PJ


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Further…


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Little further...


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ANS: Because at the speed of light V=C

Deadly PJs Read at your own risk...

(loudly please for maximum effect)




3 + 3 =8

Bataaon Kaise?










Bataaon Bataaon!










Nahi Pata?!!







Are

Galati se!!!!!!!!!!!










zindegi ek paheli hai...

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scroll karne se solve nahi hogi....













Teacher: 'A' for?

Student: Apple !!!

Teacher: ! Jor se bolo

Student: JAI MATA DI
















Ek baar ek aadmi ne badi tapasya ki.




shivji khush .




Prakat hue ...




bole ...




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puttar maang ...




maang kya chahiye tujhey !




bakth utha ...




bole shivji ...




mujhey to aap sirf ek guitar de do !




shivji bole kaisa gadha hai ?




unhone kaha ... puttar ...




tuney badi achchi tapsya ki hai ...




kuch bada maang !




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wo fir bola ... nahi ji ..mujhey to aap guitar hi do




shivji ne phir samajhaya .. abey .. kuch dhang ka maang ... !




par wo to ada hi hua tha ... bola nahi ... aap to mujhey guitar hi do !




shivji usey bade pyaar se khopch me lekar samjhane lage ... b! ole ..yaar tu




kuch aur maang .. guitar




na maang ...




wo bola ... nahi nahi nahi !! mujhey sirf guitar hi chahiye ... ab




shivji gussey main aa gaye ... boley ,(scroll down)




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saale .. agar guitar mere paas hota to main ye damaru kyo bajata




























) Smoking

2) Drinking

3) Charas

4) Ganja

5) Chicken

6) Mutton

7) Oily food

Masala

9) Sleep & obesity

10) Pollution




=




Heart Attack

Matlab







scrolll down

















































DUS bahane karke le gaye DIL !!



















What's the opposite of "Dominoes"???




think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think

think




tired of thinking???




Well the answer is "Domi doesn't know"







Whats the opposite of "Pizza Hut"






















...

























....



















.....




okei don't kill me "Pizza Hutna math"










ok whats the opp of venky's..































venlocks...

(now,now,dont bang ur head plz..)
















Whats the opposite of Gopalakrishnan?




Comepalakrishnan.







What is the opposite of Subramnium Swamy?




Subramanium Didn't See Me.































A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead.




"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.




The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.




"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."




The next day he calls again and once more asks to Speak to his boss.




By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD

YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK!




WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"




"Coz," he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it..."




:P :P :P :P :P :P

Jo and So were two friends. Once Jo one a lottery ticket and they decided to celebrate at a pub.

Jo and So went to the Pub and ordered for beer in two glasses.

So said " Here is a toast for for Jo's winning of the Lottery " and they clinked their glasses with each other !!

So said, " Anjaam , you are a rich man now "

Jo says, " Abe mujhe anjaam kyu bula raha hai ?"

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So says , " Sheeshe se sheesha takrae, "JO" bhi ho "ANJAAM"

The Ping Pong Story

One man had a child

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1 year later - man asked the child-what to gift

you?

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child said ping pong ball
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2'nd b'day -
Father- what gift you want?
Son - ping pong ball
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3rd b'day
Father- what gift you want?
Son - ping pong ball
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4th bday
Father- what gift you want?
Son - ping pong ball
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5th bday
Father- what gift you want?
Son - ping pong ball
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6thb' day
Father- what gift you want?
Son - ping pong ball
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24th bday
Father- what gift you want?
Son - ping pong ball
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he got married
at honeymoon
Wife-what do u want?
Husband-ping pong ball
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25th bday
Wife - what gift you want?
Husband-ping pong ball
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26th bday
Wife - what gift you want?
Husband-ping pong ball
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27th bday
Wife - what gift you want?
Husband-ping pong ball
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his kids become 15 yrs old
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40th bday
kids- Father what gift you want?
Father - ping pong ball
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41st b' day
kids- Father what gift you want?
Father - ping pong ball
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42nd bday
kids- Father what gift you want?
Father - ping pong ball
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79th b'day
kids- Father what gift you want?
Father - ping pong ball
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time for his death
all the people from whom he took ping pong
ball
(Like his Wife, kids and
all others) came to him and asked
Why did you ask for ping pong ball all the
time ?
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He said give me a ping pong ball then I will
tell you...
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Then those people gave him a ping pong ball
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said when I will be extremely nearto death
then I will tell
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During those last moments when he is about
to die everyone reached him and asked tell
us why did you ask for ping pong ball
always?
he said.
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I asked for a ping pong ball on my every
b'day..
because..
.
.
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.
.
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.
And he died before he could tell the Reason...
What a tragedy! What a tragedy!!
Even I don't know, mujhe bhi itnahi gussa aya tha!!
=))
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa... :P

1




Son: Hey mom,wats der 2 eat? His

mom throws a stone at him.Son:Hey mom I jus askd 4 sumthin 2

eat! Mom:Hum eat ka jaw aab pathar se dete hai.... :-P




2




which movie will u show to a crow to make him come out?




Chronicle!( crow- nikal)







3




Whicy body part of our is totally useless??.

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.

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Ans: Blood.... because it is in vein(vain) :P







4







what happens to a blue stone when it is thrown into the red sea?

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.

.

.

.

.

it gets wet :-P







5




"DARDNAAK KAHANI"




Ladka Ladki ko chahta tha, magar wo ladki nahi jaanti thi!




Ek din ladke ne himmat ki aur ussey kaha,

"Tum mujhe acchi lagti ho."

To ladki ko Gussa aaya aur usne ladke k naak pe mukka maar diya.

Ladke ki naak mei bohot dard hua,

aur iss tarah..




Ye

'DARD' 'NAAK' wali kahani khatam hui.... :D







6




In this song, Waheeda Rehman wears a pink saree and throughout the song wears the same dress.




So when we have a trend of heroines changing clothes every sequence,

the big question is:




Why doesnt Waheda Rehman change her saree throughout the entire song?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
. Coz in the first stanza of the song, Dev Anand sings:
'Oo mere humrahi,
meri bah thamen chalna,
badle duniya 'saree'
tum na badalna...'




7




Sardar 1: If u tell me what's dere in ma basket, den i wil giv u eggs frm basket. if u tell hw many eggs r there, den i wil giv u all d 8 egss, n if tell whose eggs r there, den i wil giv u d murgi also.
.
.
.
Sardar 2: Yaar koi hint toh de...

Best PJ's

Mickey mouse and Ramayana

One day, Mickey Mouse asks Donald Duck to tell him Ramayana.





Donald duck is impressed and starts reading verses from Ramayana.





Mickey Mouse continues to listen. After completing the whole


Ramayan, Donald Duck lets out a big sigh and asks Mickey Mouse,


"Mickey Mouse, tell me...who was the father of Lord Ram?"





Mickey Mouse cannot.





Angry, Donald duck, again asks, " Mickey Mouse!!! tell me...what


was the capital of Ram's kingdom!"





Mickey Mouse cannot answer again.





Infuriated, Donald Duck kicks Mickey Mouse hard, and Mickey Mouse

goes and collides with a wall. As soon as he collides with the

wall, he gets up and starts saying verses of Ramayana from start to


end....





How did this happen???








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After hitting the wall, Mickey becomes





Wall-Mickey( Valmiki). ..





.......Bolo Jai Shree Ram!!

Best PJ Ever

PJ's are the best things do make someone smiling and sometime laughing. The best part is to see the listener's reaction when you crack a PJ.

So, here are some of the best pj's which will make you either kill the listener or get killed yourself by them.

Enjoy and post PJ's if you know some .

Have a good day...!!